could it be?

i told someone i was in love with you tonight. i've never said it out loud before. it just sort of spilled out of my heart before i had time to think about what i was saying. although i said it, i hope it's not true, because you don't feel the same and the rational side of me knows you never will. it was most likely the dreamy, wishful thinking corner of my heart that surfaces now and then who spoke at that time. but, all the same i still wonder:: does love have to be reciprocal? if not, then part of what i said is probably true. wow. i wonder what it would be like to be loved like the way i love you? i wouldn't wish it on anyone really; the stain runs too deep. no matter how hard i try to erase you, the marks you've left on my heart resurface again and again. i still light up when you walk into the room, even though now it's only in my mind______<3

{lost in a silent ballet}

i feel as if i am bursting and need to write everything down that's threating to overwhelm my heart. i've come to the realization that i've always been different, and i don't think people know how to handle my "different" nature either. it's so frustrating sometimes. just once i want someone to understand and sincerely care, not a transitory affection, but a deep, soul-changing, and reciprocal admiration. the absence of this, after awhile, takes a toll on me. I'm tired of supposing and guessing, almosts, and if-only's. i'm tired of gravitating toward quotations like this:

"If we could just be immobile for some time and finally figure out the way we feel
About the missing puzzle pieces and cloudy question marks that still look a bit surreal."

"If we could sit together a moment and talk forever just to pass the time
I would smile as the shivers and chills run down my spine when your eyes
are locked on mine."

"If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?
So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?
All the time, All the time..."

i'm tired of never being enough.

lovely edward

click here for an 8 minute clip of the new adaptation of Austen's "Sense and Sensibility". from 3:12-5:00 in the video..i love this!

a myriad of thoughts...

Little Sparrow
JKS

Her sighs were as whispers on the breath of a surfacing wind
Stifled, silent, beguiling thoughts steal past her glittering lips
She waits
Waiting: her vice, her habit
Waiting that consumes, entangles.
Criss-crossed heart strings threaten
To starve her love
Love that flits across the wing of
Your forgetfulness
The bereft sparrow’s cry
Matches her barren soul;
Besieged, she surrenders.

more poetry...

Morning

Slowly and gently above trees and mist,
Heaven’s dew drops
A soft angel kiss.
The tears on my window, shelter from pain
This heartache, this madness,
This one lovely stain.

By day break, a bird’s song wakes up the world,
It’s haunting, it’s thrilling,
With heart beat unfurled.
The dawn is rising, and sleep dissipates,
Enchanted one
Rising, blinking awakes.

sonnet practice...

Happily Ever After?

Skimming through the pages of the book
My eyes begin to wonder at the sight;
The pictures are enough to cause a fright,
Of fairy tales and witches, cinder soot.
Stepmother in the mirror takes a look,
At her rival Snow White’s horrid plight.
Gorgeous gowns are ripped as in a fight,
An orphaned girl stands hovered in a nook.
Mermaids walk on land, and fishes sing;
Petals from a rose predict a fate;
Animals talk and dance in merry glee.
In battle pirate swords do swing;
A spinning wheel embodies someone’s hate,
And true love is released but for a fee.

Unexpected Love

I don’t know when my heart first thought of you.
Your very name awakens such despair,
That longing for your love just breeds a tear.
I guess it’s something only dreamers do.
At first your friendship only got me through,
Now your eyes on mine shake me with fear.
I know I act as if I couldn’t care,
It’s just because this heartache’s so brand new.
I hope against all hope that you might feel
A little of what grips my heart each day,
That you beside me is my only wish.
Days are short, so time we both must steal.
If ever needless doubts get in your way
Dispel them all with but a simple kiss.